You
make
me
happy
and
i
love
you.
I guess i just really do not feel like talking anymore. About anything. To anyone. I’m just tired of talking and talking and talking.
I’d rather be doing, doing, doing.
Kind of hard though.
And i miss you. but i told you well, you know what i told you.
It’s so hard to be patient and wait and resist the urge to talk to you though.
I don’t feel like talking about it.
Here I am sitting in the union with an old friend from my stats class, waiting to go to work even though I was just there, and i feel so i don’t even know.
i guess its okay to say that things haven’t really been going good lately. I mean, yeah we can have one good day, a really good day where it just feels… like it used to? But no matter how many times those days are, it still feels like something’s wrong. I know i shouldn’t be complaining about us on Tumblr, and just be talking to you about us and what exactly is going on between us. I don’t think either of us want to talk right now though, and i think both of us just want to avoid it.
I love you. I can say that without hesitation, and i won’t break up with you. I’d never do that just because i can’t even begin to explain how i feel about you, why i feel that way, and just exactly what you mean to me, I can’t ever bring myself to do that to you,break up with you. I can’t. I love you too much. That’s probably selfish of me, but i really don’t care. I have a feeling you don’t feel the same way anymore though. Maybe it’s because i’m so dumb, or insecure, or just down right annoying. And i probably just ruin things all the time between us, even though i have no reason to, and i’m the happiest person i could ever be when i’m around you. But it just seems like you’re ready to… let go. Of us. Of everything we’ve been through. I hate that this might be true. But I can’t be selfish and hold you back, i want you to be happy and i have just know that maybe that isn’t with me anymore. And it’s making me so sad to say that, or even admit it to myself that you probably don’t want to be with me anymore even though I can’t see myself being with anyone else. But as much as I love you, if it’s what you want I can’t stop you. I mean i can sit here and give this long big speech on why we should be together. How we’ve been through so much together, and how maybe JUST maybe, I still make you happy and feel the same way you did over a year ago. I can go on about how I love you more and more everyday and that it consumes me.. but I don’t know if any of that would actually ever change your mind. I want to. I want more than anything to just make you see that.. well i’m not even sure. I just want us to be together, to stay together. to be anything other than apart.
I know we have our bad days, our worst days, but then we have our good days and our best days too. And i know you cannot deny that. Like yesterday, i would say that was a good day. And it just felt right, when we were watching that movie and laying on your bed. It felt like it was supposed to be, unlike how it is somedays. Those days we just don’t talk about, the days we avoid while the problem - whatever it may be - just piles up in the back of our minds, like “what are we supposed to do?” “What do i do to make this better.. to make this right, to make it like it was before?” At least that’s what goes through my mind.
And this isn’t even about us breaking up or not, or who does it and why we’re doing it. When you don’t seem happy or you seem bored, or sad, I can’t help but feeling that it’s my fault and that’s why I always bring this, stuff like this up. I get a feeling inside that I was never good enough for you at times like these and maybe now, almost two years later, that maybe you can see that now. You can see everything wrong with me, with us, and you want nothing to do with it.
I shouldn’t assume though. I shouldn’t assume that you will break up with me, or that i’m not good enough for you or anything of that nature. And really, I’m not.If anything i’m trying to avoid thinking of any of that stuff. Because really if i think about it, i get sad because I love you. I don’t think I can say that enough. I love you, i love you, i love you, i love you. I. LOVE. YOU.
That may just be a bit creepy or obsessive, but I can’t help it. And I wouldn’t change our relationship for the world. I mean obviously, we have our flaws, problems, arguments, disagreements, etc. But even still i wouldn’t change it for the world. I love what we have because it just makes me happy. You make me happy. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, you are. Flaws and all.
I guess whatever happens between us, i can say it’s my fault. I apologize for everything, I’m sorry for being sad sometimes. I’m sorry for probably taking you for granted. I’m sorry for taking my bad moods out on you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I love you enough, or at the right moments. And I’m sorry I wanted to give up on us so many times, when you never did. Even though I didn’t, i’m still sorry. You were always there for me, even when I didn’t deserve it. and it’s okay if that has to change and you cant be there anymore because it’s too difficult or you just don’t want to.
I know i’m younger than you and i probably don’t know much. But you’re all i ever wanted. I love every part of you. You’re the one i never want to leave. All I ever did was love you. I just hope maybe whatever we have won’t be over anytime soon.
I would stand by you through anything. I’d be there for you, always.
I don’t really feel like writing anymore, mostly because none of this makes sense and it’s just me getting my thoughts out and to not think about it and be distracted. Hmp.
oh i hung out with matt for a bit, it was nice.we are so boring, like we literally just played temple run for a little bit focusing on our own screens, lol. Love our relationship
If i had to describe you to someone who has never met you, I don’t even know where I’d begin.
Because i could describe your appearance but that won’t do much for that person. i could say your this tall with this hair and eye color, but there’s so much more to it than that.
You’re like reading my favorite book for fun, or seeing my favorite band play live and singing my heart out. You’re like waking up from a good night’s sleep and the first sip of coffee in the morning. You’re my favorite song that starts to play, and you’re the smell of rain in the air. You’re like getting an A on a test, and the feeling you get when you’ve done something right.
It’s like all the good things in life all wrapped up into one. You’re that feeling of happiness only worth so much more.
That’s how I would describe you to someone.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 1 year, and 7 months. Obviously this will be my longest relationship ever, and probably my only serious one I’ve had.
I mean i’ve dated people, talked to people… but with my first boyfriend i can’t really count that as serious. It was more like two friends holding hands and who kissed every so often. And with Billy, well we went through more downs and bads then anything else. Nothing serious about that relationship whatsoever.
In a way, I’m glad the relationship I have with Matt is technically my first serious relationship. I like how we are together, flaws & all. I like how happy he makes me, and how I could seriously see a future ahead for us, not some hazy vision of what could be. I like the person he makes me want to be and I love him for everything he’s done for me. I don’t know what I’d do without him. Longest relationship ever, so far. And most serious for me.
